Tuesday, December 2, 2008
One of those days...
Today is one of those days again... one of those days in which i feel irritated, annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed in everything around me. Then, I'll hate myself for it. Emo right? Ya, I know. Well... I'm listening to "Like Eagles" by Don Moen. Wow, I'm always amazed by Christian music. Whenever I'm down in the dumps and I come across a christian song, my mood will brighten up instantly. It's really amazing. Wow. I'm not moody any more. Huh. Wow. After listening to that song, I feel like my life has hope in it again. Okay I'm just pouring out my random thoughts now... But never mind.
Wow, I just realised how badly sin can mess up my life. Before September 2006, the month in which I committed a horrible sin and got addicted to it, my life was filled with tremendous hope, peace and joy. It was almost too good to be true. My joy was endless, my hope was intoxicating, and my peace was... well, childlike even. And it was all possible thanks to God. Then, the communication network between myself and God was slowly cut off when I got addicted to that sin. Now, my heart is hardened once again. But, with the mercy of God, I had a taste of a life filled with hope, peace, and joy once again this year in the month of July. It was wonderful.
If I had to name one of the most blissful time in my life, that would be it. Even though I was a sinner. Everyone's a sinner anyway. But at that time, I felt that my sin was huge. Sometimes I felt that my sin was bigger than God. Now I've come to realise that nothing's bigger than God. Anyway, as I was saying, even though I was a sinner, even though I was shutting God out of my life, I was reminded that God had not forgotten me. When I had thought that all hope was lost, I felt the tremendous love of God touching my heart when I took the chance to open it. From then on till three weeks later, I lead a blissful life. That was when i realised the meaning of the word "bliss". Then, it all ended when I let my guard down and sinned again. I allowed guilt, and doubt to creep into my mind and as a result, I didn't dare to reconcile with God.
If you want to know the complete story of my blissful three weeks you'll have to ask me yourself.
Moving on, I guess what just came to me was:
"Repentance does not mean feeling guilty. Repentance does not mean losing confidence in yourself. Repentance means having a change of heart and a will to move closer to God. For our God is a God who forgives if only we repent. And for that alone i am glad."
No matter what happens around me, I will stay strong and place my hope in God for He is faithful and unchanging. His love for us will never change. All we have to do is repent and open our hearts to experience it. For Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock, to whoever opens the door I will come in..."
So the choice is ours. Do we want to open the door to Jesus or not? The answer is simple, just a yes or a no.
I started writing this post feeling troubled, and upset. But as I end this post, I can dare say that what I'm feeling now is bliss.
Posted by Claire at 11:37 AM