Thursday, November 27, 2008

Living

Hey, I've just read someone's post about how our lives in Singapore is so much more pampered than the lives of the children in Batam. Yet, they are happier than we are. That particular post made me think and again... I'm entering my introspective mode again... nvm a little introspection is good for us...

Anyway... The main question in my head is: What am I supposed to live for?

This question is not focusing on my purpose here on Earth but on what I am living for. To me, "the purpose of our life" means how we are going to make an impact on others by living. In contrast, "what I am living for" means the person, God, goal, or dream that I'm living for or living to achieve.

"What am I living for" is in the present tense but I'm not really bothered about that right now. "What I am supposed to be living for" is what is truly bothering me now. Currently, my life is, let's face it, not Christ centered. On top of that, I'm at a loss to what my passion is. I don't know what I like to do. I have not discovered my interest. Hence, putting two and two together, I'm not sure about who I'm supposed to live for anymore. The text book answer is, "God of course." While I also know that that is the right answer, I hesitate as if doubting myself. It may be my darker side giving in or something. Oh, wait, it IS my darker side giving in! I can't believe I didn't realise it till now! So now I've answered my own question: I'm supposed to be living for God!"

Oh man, now another question popped up into my head: "What does living for God entail?"

Okay, by common sense, the first thing that came into my mind was prayer. But that can't be all there is to it. In the homily during the 10.45am mass on the 23rd of November, Father J.P. said something along the lines of the essence of christianity being giving to the needy and basically helping those in need around us. Lifting people up. Is this what it means to live or lives for God? I don't know. But I guess I should just pray about it.

Well, let's not dwell on the same subject for too long a time. Moving on I feel that there are loads of people that we can help or sacrifice our time for out there. If only we ask God to guide us in this path, I'm sure that He will make a way for us to do His will in His own time. Well, that may be the key... to discover what God wants us to do on this Earth, we must be alert to His calling and be obedient in What he tells us to do.

Why is it that some people are "blessed" with more things than others? Is there a reason? I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens. And while God blesses us abundantly, we have to be aware that our actions may cause us to reject God's blessings and hence as a result reject God. Um, I'm not sure if this is right but it is what I think.

So while this is a complicated issue, the solution may be simple in nature. Who knows? God works in mysterious and wondrous ways :)

Posted by Claire at 12:01 AM

Sunday, November 23, 2008

A wrong choice

We are forced to make choices everyday.

In the morning we have to chose to get out of bed. We chose where we head to first after that. We chose to have or not to have breakfast. These are small choices.

There are, however, more... how is it put? major choices? important choices? Well, they are choices that would affect our lives in a significant way. For example, we could chose to view porn. Even if we only do it once, our minds would be stained forever. It would be difficult to erase the pleasant or unpleasant "memories" we have gained. Or when we have to chose to have or not to have a BGR. Obviously this would impact our lives too. Whether in a good way or a bad way I do not know.

Choices like choosing which course to take in a polytechnic are of the utmost importance for they would alter your course of life in the future. Choices that involve the choosing of one's CCA may not be very important for the effects would only span for a period of four years in a secondary school. However, for me, this has been one of the worst choices I have made in my short 15 years of life.

Sometimes mistakes are beautiful.

Sometimes.

But still, it is this huge mistake that I've made that I discovered one part of myself that I have to accept: I will not persevere in doing something that I absolutely despise. In this case, it is band. I don't hate the band people. I used to but now I don't. I just don't like playing in a band. I don't take pleasure in performing, so I don't have a motivation to practice my pieces.

In sec 2, I used to get really stressed when someone talks about band. I keep getting the feeling that I'm letting loads of people down. I get the feeling that I'm not good enough. All in all, I lost almost every bit of self respect I had for myself.

And what did I blame it on? Band of course. But as I told myself that it was all the Band's fault, I knew that it, in fact, was my fault that I was in that state. I could change my way of thinking. Hence, I could change my response to the situation I was in.

So, in sec 3, I just totally stopped caring about band. It wasn't easy at first, but I managed to do it. Now, my life has changed totally. No, my life is still the same. My outlook on life has changed. That alone was enough to brighten up my life and give me hope of a better future.

I know that the attitude I've chosen to adopt towards band may not be the best one. But, that's me. Protective nature I guess. I cared about something and got hurt in the end. So I just stopped caring. Simple as that.

I'm blogging about this because there's a band camp tomorrow that I have to attend. It's a three day two night camp. I'm risking my "not so emo" state of mind my going for this camp. Hopefully I'm come out alive and kicking.

Actually, I have no idea of how I'm supposed to react to band. Well, all of us has our own flaws I guess. But a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. Wish me luck! ;*

Posted by Claire at 8:59 AM

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Something new... again

Mistakes are part and parcel of life. Sometimes we try to erase our mistakes. This is usually the case for me. When I make mistakes or see flaws in my way of thinking, I would try to wipe them from my memory or erase any evidence of them, like I did with my pervious few blogs. Tee Hee^^ But I've come to realise that mistakes are the ones that allow us to grow as a person. And doing things right the first time just proves that we know how to do those things and hence, have nothing new to learn from it.

Anyway, just to cut to the chase, mistakes are beautiful and they are meant to be savored... just like how the life God gave us is meant to be enjoyed...

Posted by Claire at 9:32 AM