Saturday, December 27, 2008
It's two days after Christmas...
It's two days after Christmas and there's lots to learn from this week already. Haha.
Well i was just thinking... Christmas is a time to be joyful and celebrate Jesus coming to our world. So it's kind of like celebrating Jesus' birthday. But somehow I've never really put my focus on Jesus, the birthday celebrant, in all my years of celebrating Christmas. I kinds feel bad about it. But oh well, I'll just have to try hard to get it right next year.
I went for the SMOTA charismatic group BBQ yesterday. It rained for i think about 40% of the time we were there. But I learnt a lesson there too. When it started to rain in the first part of the BBQ, I would have expected people to be sour and bitter at the weather, instead the group turned the situation into a joyous occasion. It was amazing. I realized that regardless of the situation we can still choose to be happy and praise the Lord... Even if things don't go our way. It was really a marvelous experience. The group were praising God in song in the rain and people were all smiles.
Oh and today wasn't really very eventful. It was fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying but not eventful. Sometimes the best things in life are the simple things right? Ya. I had my first taste of getting high from alcohol and it was GREAT! Haha. I want to do it again. Whee... Hmmm... then after a talk with a friend i finally realized that i had been too hard on myself since i was 9. Whoa. Haha. Ok so i'll try not to be too hard on myself.
It turns out that life seems to be more and more interesting and exciting to me as i knock down more and more of my psychological barriers... Whoo hoo!
Posted by Claire at 11:20 PM
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Today's a special day... but how should I spend it?
Today's a special day but I don't know what to do with it. Should I watch TV or hang around the computer? Probably not. Then what should I do? Sigh. I have no idea. I just want to get out and do something productive. Like create something. Or helping other people. Something that does not only benefit myself. But what? hmmm... Today's a Saturday. What can be done on a saturday? Hmmmm...
Posted by Claire at 8:53 AM
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Why WHy WHY?
Why do I get the feeling that things around me aren't going right? No, it's not the things around me. It's how I'm responding to the things happening around me. I feel that I'm not handling situations correctly. Hmmm... So I feel more irritable I guess. Because I'm frustrated at myself.
Posted by Claire at 9:54 AM
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It's a lonely lonely day...
Sigh... I've not many friends. Maybe it's because I didn't need to make friends in Primary School. Cos I had so many siblings waiting for me at home. Maybe it's because I'm a loner or something. Or maybe I expect too much of people before I consider them as friends. Hmmmm... But I really treasure those whom I consider my friends.
That's me I guess. Many acquaintances and few friends.
Should I lower my expectations of the people I consider friends? Maybe I will not. Is it a good thing or a bad one?
Well, today's Rose's and James' Birthday party. A few of James friends came but all of Rose's friends couldn't make it for one reason or another. Poor girl. Feel really sad for her. Maybe I understand what she feels. Being lonely isn't a nice feeling but I guess it pays us a visit from time to time.
Posted by Claire at 3:19 PM
Friday, December 5, 2008
Letter thingy
Haha... saw this thing on Shumian's blog so decided to try it out. This thing is totally nonsensical. Haha, I'm returning the cut toenails to you? Hahahahaha...
Dear Paul:
I really don't know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I quoted Santa at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on the crazy monk. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks. I'm returning the cut toenails to you, but I'll keep the oil stocks as a memory, You should also know that I never openly mocked eggplant-fetishism.
In pain,
- Claire -
Do the “Letter Meme”.
Tag no less than 5 other people. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.
Tag EVERYBODY WHO WANTS TO DO.
Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I’m sure you’re (6) enough to understand (7). I’m returning (8) to you, but I’ll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) (11).
___12___,
-Your name-
1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister
2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife
4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out
5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed
7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Screw off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family
Posted by Claire at 10:58 PM
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Happiness vs. saddness
Sadness seems more bountiful than happiness in life sometimes... Maybe it is so to make the happy times all the more joyful...
Then again, sadness and happiness are choices we have to make. They're like candy. We can choose the sour candy or the sweet one but in the end, what's inside the candy is a sweet taste. Just like in our choice to be happy or sad, Jesus will still be with us.
Sometimes happiness seems like an impossible choice to make in the mist of unhappiness happening all around us.
Sometimes we force ourselves to be happy and smile but know that we are still saddened in our hearts.
Jesus said that there's a time for everything. A time to rejoice and a time to mourn. A time to be happy and a time to be sad. So how do we know when is the right time to be happy or sad?
Sometimes I'm grateful for the sad times because they make us enjoy and appreciate the glad times. But sometimes sad moments feel like they could last forever. So the very least we can do is to enjoy and savour every glad moment that we're blessed with. And most importantly, thank God for them.
Posted by Claire at 8:53 PM
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Everyday's a special day... Pls kick me if I forget it
First things first... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA! You're 15 now! Hooray!
I'm not emo today but since I'm on the computer I might as well blog before I go read a book or do something to help kick start my brain again... Haha. Today I got addicted to Sudoku! Wah It's super fun. But I'm very slow at it :P now you see why I have to jump-start my brain.
Went for evening mass today because I felt like it. I had a urge to go for mass since morning so I thought I should just go for it. Hmmm... don't know what happened to me in mass though. Halfway through the reading I started tearing. I guess I just couldn't imagine how God would still love someone like me. But He does and who am I to doubt or question God right? Whoo hoo! Feel great now for no particular reason. I guess I'm really thankful to be alive, to have many wonderful people to love and be loved in return.
Hmmm... read this book recently titled What Color is Your Brain? My brain color is blue! Yay blue brainers! Haha. And guess what? the book said that blue brainers are often seen to be... MOTHERLY! I was sooo frustrated when I saw that statement. Not only my friends think I'm motherly but the book does too! Okay that sounded a little stupid but who cares! I'm not that smart... right Ai? Haha... I'm really crapping now.
Well here's a shoutout to everyone who talked to me at least one time whether it's just calling my name or something: THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME WHO I AM TODAY... WITHOUT YOU, MY LIFE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE SAME...
Anyway... everyday's God's Gift to us. [That's why they call it the PRESENT. Get it? The past, the future the PRESENT? Haha?] So if I don't laugh at least once a day... kick me. Seriously. If I don't make one person laugh everyday please knock me on my head. Bleah. Haha. Well... I've crapped to my heart's content now. So... TTFN [Ta ta for now... Quoted from Tigger]
P.S. "I've taken the chance to trust myself again... you'll know when that trust is lost... if it is ever lost."
Posted by Claire at 9:04 PM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
One of those days...
Today is one of those days again... one of those days in which i feel irritated, annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed in everything around me. Then, I'll hate myself for it. Emo right? Ya, I know. Well... I'm listening to "Like Eagles" by Don Moen. Wow, I'm always amazed by Christian music. Whenever I'm down in the dumps and I come across a christian song, my mood will brighten up instantly. It's really amazing. Wow. I'm not moody any more. Huh. Wow. After listening to that song, I feel like my life has hope in it again. Okay I'm just pouring out my random thoughts now... But never mind.
Wow, I just realised how badly sin can mess up my life. Before September 2006, the month in which I committed a horrible sin and got addicted to it, my life was filled with tremendous hope, peace and joy. It was almost too good to be true. My joy was endless, my hope was intoxicating, and my peace was... well, childlike even. And it was all possible thanks to God. Then, the communication network between myself and God was slowly cut off when I got addicted to that sin. Now, my heart is hardened once again. But, with the mercy of God, I had a taste of a life filled with hope, peace, and joy once again this year in the month of July. It was wonderful.
If I had to name one of the most blissful time in my life, that would be it. Even though I was a sinner. Everyone's a sinner anyway. But at that time, I felt that my sin was huge. Sometimes I felt that my sin was bigger than God. Now I've come to realise that nothing's bigger than God. Anyway, as I was saying, even though I was a sinner, even though I was shutting God out of my life, I was reminded that God had not forgotten me. When I had thought that all hope was lost, I felt the tremendous love of God touching my heart when I took the chance to open it. From then on till three weeks later, I lead a blissful life. That was when i realised the meaning of the word "bliss". Then, it all ended when I let my guard down and sinned again. I allowed guilt, and doubt to creep into my mind and as a result, I didn't dare to reconcile with God.
If you want to know the complete story of my blissful three weeks you'll have to ask me yourself.
Moving on, I guess what just came to me was:
"Repentance does not mean feeling guilty. Repentance does not mean losing confidence in yourself. Repentance means having a change of heart and a will to move closer to God. For our God is a God who forgives if only we repent. And for that alone i am glad."
No matter what happens around me, I will stay strong and place my hope in God for He is faithful and unchanging. His love for us will never change. All we have to do is repent and open our hearts to experience it. For Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock, to whoever opens the door I will come in..."
So the choice is ours. Do we want to open the door to Jesus or not? The answer is simple, just a yes or a no.
I started writing this post feeling troubled, and upset. But as I end this post, I can dare say that what I'm feeling now is bliss.
Posted by Claire at 11:37 AM