Sunday, November 23, 2008

A wrong choice

We are forced to make choices everyday.

In the morning we have to chose to get out of bed. We chose where we head to first after that. We chose to have or not to have breakfast. These are small choices.

There are, however, more... how is it put? major choices? important choices? Well, they are choices that would affect our lives in a significant way. For example, we could chose to view porn. Even if we only do it once, our minds would be stained forever. It would be difficult to erase the pleasant or unpleasant "memories" we have gained. Or when we have to chose to have or not to have a BGR. Obviously this would impact our lives too. Whether in a good way or a bad way I do not know.

Choices like choosing which course to take in a polytechnic are of the utmost importance for they would alter your course of life in the future. Choices that involve the choosing of one's CCA may not be very important for the effects would only span for a period of four years in a secondary school. However, for me, this has been one of the worst choices I have made in my short 15 years of life.

Sometimes mistakes are beautiful.

Sometimes.

But still, it is this huge mistake that I've made that I discovered one part of myself that I have to accept: I will not persevere in doing something that I absolutely despise. In this case, it is band. I don't hate the band people. I used to but now I don't. I just don't like playing in a band. I don't take pleasure in performing, so I don't have a motivation to practice my pieces.

In sec 2, I used to get really stressed when someone talks about band. I keep getting the feeling that I'm letting loads of people down. I get the feeling that I'm not good enough. All in all, I lost almost every bit of self respect I had for myself.

And what did I blame it on? Band of course. But as I told myself that it was all the Band's fault, I knew that it, in fact, was my fault that I was in that state. I could change my way of thinking. Hence, I could change my response to the situation I was in.

So, in sec 3, I just totally stopped caring about band. It wasn't easy at first, but I managed to do it. Now, my life has changed totally. No, my life is still the same. My outlook on life has changed. That alone was enough to brighten up my life and give me hope of a better future.

I know that the attitude I've chosen to adopt towards band may not be the best one. But, that's me. Protective nature I guess. I cared about something and got hurt in the end. So I just stopped caring. Simple as that.

I'm blogging about this because there's a band camp tomorrow that I have to attend. It's a three day two night camp. I'm risking my "not so emo" state of mind my going for this camp. Hopefully I'm come out alive and kicking.

Actually, I have no idea of how I'm supposed to react to band. Well, all of us has our own flaws I guess. But a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. Wish me luck! ;*

Posted by Claire at 8:59 AM